OOC: After reading through http://www.kotorfanfic.com/athenaprime/athenaprime.html (and there is more to come so I keep checking back) I've decided to take a stab at this here. If you want to brave my writing, read on. If you want to read something better, click that link. If there's one story to read out of all of the ones on that website, it's Athena Prime's. Frankly, the stuff written in mobile-text format or whatever it is scares me... /OOC

About 25 years ago I was born on a planet called Deralia in a remote system of the Galactic Republic. I grew up despite the complete lack of a father, and the almost-immediate lack of a mother as well. Then I did a bunch of stuff I probably shuldn't go into on an official Republic datapad, heh. Suffice to say I got around, more often than not on my own, which was how I preferred it. Basically, I learned how to survive in the harshest climates of my home planet, then other planets; getting into one kind of trouble or another along the way. As a result I'm more than an average scout, which is probably how I ended up in this situation in the first place...

So yeah, the memories tend to bleed together. There are some astounding ones, stuff that made those trips worthwhile. Some less wonderful memories as well, of course, but bad with the good, and so on. It's like those holovid documentaries about the famous musicians while they're on tour. They've been to so many places that eventually it's a matter of luck if they remember the name of the planet they're on, let alone the name of the city they're performing in. I guess that was why I agreed to help the Republic in a military capacity when they caught up with me and asked. Well...I think they meant it politely. They probably did, which is more than you can expect from the average Sith. Speaking of which...guess I should think in broader terms. There's a war on. A few years ago it was with the Mandalorians, who have since been pretty much wiped out. Unfortunately the heroes of the Republic pulled a vanishing act, and returned at the head of a massive Sith fleet. Darths Revan and Malak. Ever since Revan was victorious against the Mandalorians, I've had to be explicit on the pronounciation of my name Raven. Either people think I'm a jedi or a big fat liar, otherwise.

Anyway, the Sith has been beating the Republic pretty badly, but the story is that several critical confrontations always turned out with us on top. Never really listened to the specifics when I joined up...when was it? A month ago? Six? Bah, I can never remember what the galactic standard is, anyway. It's not that important when you're in the middle of a fight for your life, which I've had plenty of. I'm sure the galaxy has plenty more waiting for me too. Anyway, I've been into Sith space and I know how they treat the common people in their 'empire' so I already know we're better off if the Republic stands firm. On a more personal level, the politics can go hang. I just know it's easier to go wherever/whenever I want if the Republic is in charge rather than the Sith; which is why I now let the Republic send me wherever/whenever they want. Ironic, isn't it?

Starting a new journal on this datapad because I lost mine somewhere. Not sure where, probably just a casualty of going from one assignment to the next. Ah well, as long as someone finds it entertaining in the end, assuming it's still in one piece. As far as the details are concerned, this story starts in the middle, so you're just going to have to deal with it, whoever you are. Probably whoever finds this datapad after I lose this one too. It's not like I have anyone to leave this stuff to in the event of my death, or anything.

A lot's happened since I was assigned to the Endar Spire a week ago. First and foremost, there's no more Endar Spire. We were travelling through some has-been system when the Sith surprised us. I have a distinct memory of seeing the planet through the bridge portal as the ship spiralled down into its gravity. They didn't give it the chance to burn up in the atmosphere though...or maybe something just blew up, I don't know. I just hope the dark jedi that probably killed Trask died when the ship exploded. Can't say I'm going to miss it; for some reason I could never get a good night's sleep on that ship. Couldn't even remember what I was dreaming about right after I woke up, which isn't usually the case. That changed today, sort of...I'd heard there were jedi aboard, but I never got to meet one. Not sure if I would have asked them about it at the time, but this time I remembered dreaming about a fight between jedi...

Apparently the jedi in charge of the mission is the one most important person in this entire war. Her name is Bastila, and she has some Force power that allows her to sway the course of any battle. That would explain why the Sith want her so badly; turn her to the dark side or wipe her out and there'd be nothing left to stand in the way of their eventual domination of the galaxy. She was shot off in an escape pod, one of several that crashlanded here on Taris. Carth and I were lucky, it seems. Our pod stayed in the upper levels of the city while the lower levels - where all the other pods ended up - are crawling with swoop gangs and mutants or something called rakghouls.

Oh yeah. Carth is a Republic soldier and a pilot, and he's managed to confuse the hell out of me. I owe him my life since I took a nasty knock to the head (that might have been what shook the memories of the dreams loose, heh) when our pod hit and I was out for several days. He's even tried to flirt with me, which I suppose I can survive as long as it keeps him in gear when it comes to finding Bastila and getting off this planet. So most of the time he seems to be a pretty okay guy...and then he gets that look on his face, and...well, long story short, he has bouts of being a paranoid freak I'd rather not have to team up with to survive. Frankly, I think I could do better without him. Heck, I could wait out the Sith quarentine if I wanted to let them find and take Bastila; it's not like I'm Republic military material, heh. But I joined the Republic for a reason, and keeping that jedi out of the Sith's clutches is a goal worth accomplishing. Besides, I figure gaining Carth's trust (assuming that's possible) is as good a way to pay him back for looking after me while I was out as any. Sure, we'll probably be saving each others' lives several times over tomorrow, but that doesn't count because it's going to be a battle situation anyway.

We scouted out the upper city. The people on Taris remind me of why I prefer to go it alone in unpopulated places. There's plenty of social poodoo that must have been going on for a good long while before the Sith showed up. It took some convincing to get Carth to pick a few locks, but I had no problem breaking into the apartments of the 'wealthy human elite' to swipe whatever we could use. Not everyone here's that bad of course, and some have even helped Republic soldiers from the other escape pods, though apparently most of them weren't going to survive anyway. Better to die in bacta tanks than a Sith interrogation chamber though. Also, there's a cantina with a duelling ring - no deathmatches of course - that I whipped the local loser in for some quick credits. I'll probably go back for more later for more. Time away from Carth is time to not have to worry about him watching my back. Or backside. I could always use a good fight to vent some frustration, and the Force knows our current situation is making both of us pretty tense. The warmup in the ring did me some good when it came to procuring Sith uniforms to get buy the elevator guard. We're heading into the lower city tomorrow to look for Bastila, though I'm sure she's been able to hold her own down there.

If she turns out to be a brunette with a yellow lightsaber, I'm going to have to have a little talk with her...

Carth is really starting to bug me. When he's not calling me beautiful or gorgeous, he's indulging in paranoid delusion. Perhaps the emotional attatchment is the only way he knows to find out if he can trust me at all, so maybe the fact that I'm not biting is making him suspicious. Of course I turned it around on him and asked why I shouldn't think he wouldn't betray me, but in the end nothing productive came out of the argument, and I'm left feeling like I'd be better off on my own. I probably would be; I've saved his ass far more than he's saved mine (though I have to admit he helped a lot when we took care of that assassin there was a bounty on). Perhaps that's getting to him too.

The only thing more annoying than a chauvenistic man is a teenage girl. So of course, we needed one's help to get the job done. A twi'lek named Mission Vao and her Wookie friend Zaalbar are now a part of our group. Long story short, we had to take part in the poodoo going on between local swoop bike gangs in the Lower City to get to Bastila, and to do that we had to go through the sewers in the Undercity where all the Upper City criminals are sent, and to do that we needed Mission, and to get her help we needed to save Zaalbar from Gammorean slavers. I have to admit I like the Wookie. He's a sense of honour so strong he pledged a life debt to me for saving him, and he doesn't talk unless he has something worth saying, and he's a big help in a fight. I'm glad I'm not the only one wielding a vibroblade anymore. I know he'll always have my back, unlike some people who shall remain Republic soldiers.

Bastila was captured by a swoop gang - which I have yet to really believe, but I don't get the impression that Gadon isn't lying - and is being offered as a prize to whoever wins the swoop race tomorrow. So I'm racing tomorrow, because noone knows where she's being held until the race anyway. I'm nervous. I've made use of various vehicles before, but I've never been any kind of speed freak. There isn't even time for me to go on a trial run before the prototype accelerator is installed in the bike...bleh. After the race I'm hitting the cantina upstairs again. Some more duelling will relieve some of this stress. Here's hoping I don't crash and burn, or explode.

Bastila is a brunette with a yellow lightsaber (though the light comes out both ends now). Meeting her prompted another dream...except I was awake! It was the same as before, but lasted longer - or maybe I just remember more of it - Bastila kills a Dark Jedi and threatens Revan. They're on his ship. Another Sith ship opens fire on them, the bridge pretty much explodes, and everyone goes down. The last thing I remember is Bastila crawling over and looking down on Revan...

I won the swoop race. Bastila was there, caged and wearing a neural distrupter. Brejik tried to pull her from the list of prizes intended for the winner when none of his Vulkars won, because we'd stolen back the accelerator he'd stolen from the Beks. He tried to claim I cheated by using the accelerator he would have used himself if he'd still had it! None of the other gangs were having any of it. A Bek prototype belongs on a Bek bike, and if they did put it together themselves, good for them. While Brejik tried to pull her out anyway, Bastila chose that moment to assert her Jedi willpower and freed herself from both neural and physical restraint. A far more honest fight followed, and together we cut down all the Vulkars, Brejik included. It's no less than he deserved.

The downside to successfully rescuing Bastila is the almost-immediate discovery that she is every bit as arrogant as Carth is paranoid. On one hand, I know she wasn't exactly a damsel in distress (though I'd sooner tease her with the title than admit to her face it's incorrect), but on the other hand she's completely unable to admit that, without her lightsaber, she would have succumbed to blaster fire from the other Vulkars while duelling Brejik, if I hadn't been there to cut them down. She seems capable of admitting when she's wrong to Carth, but apparently I have yet to earn such a 'royal' honour, and that annoys me. That's why I kept the story of the dreams and visions to myself, though I can't shake the feeling that she knows anyway. She's given me more than one thoughtful look before noticing I was looking.

At least her presence has improved Carth's mood. Perhaps he'll flirt with Bastila instead for a change. As long as his higher spirits don't cause him to flirt with me even more; shattering his fragile male ego would probably impact on our chances of getting off this planet, no matter how wonderful a Jedi Bastila really is. Meanwhile, I totally failed to get away from any of them to do some duelling, which isn't helping my damn mood.

Today has been a day of lucky breaks, which makes me worry about tomorrow; but for now I enjoy the good luck. Winning the swoop race drew the attention of a Mandalorian who has a way off the planet. I'd rather not deal with someone working for the local crimelord, but unless any other ideas present themselves...

Spent the morning in the duelling ring, working my way up the ranks. Turns out one of the bounties from the cantina downstairs is a death match duellist who never leaves this cantina (with it's top-notch security systems and so on). He said he'd only fight me if I became the Taris duelling champion. So I did. I'll be facing off with Bendak tonight. Of course Bastila and, to a lesser extent, Carth, have their objections: killing for profit and entertainment and so on. It's not like I've ever let anyone else tell me what or what not to do, so they can go spin. After spending more than enough of the day's winnings on a victory lunch - and everyone had to agree with Bendak that the food here is great - we went to pick up the droid Canderous told us about. To get a ship past the Sith blockade we need codes, and we need to break into the Sith base to get the codes. The T3 not only got us in, but did a fine job of messing up the droids inside enough to attack anyone else that happened to be around them at the time.

In the end the only real obstacle in the base was a Dark Jedi; at least he didn't his lightsaber yet. Fighting him wasn't the freakiest part, though. He went and confirmed what Bastila had talked to me about over lunch. Apparently I'm a Force Adept, someone who can use the Force on some kind of unconscious level. I guess that explains a thing or two.

Oh yeah. I'm on better terms with both Bastila and Carth. She's finally admitted she would have been far worse off if I hadn't been there. During that conversation she said I must have fed off of her own Force powers or something, but now I'm thinking maybe it was my presence that woke her up from the neural restraint collar. I'm sure she'd never admit to it if I brought it up though, so I just teased her some more about the jedi princess losing her lightsaber and being enslaved by a mere swoop gang, and how I owned her after winning the race, and she had to endure whatever naughty plans I had for her. She gave me a look when I said that, and I couldn't help but laugh. Seriously, I would have thought an enlightened Jedi wouldn't have a problem with that kind of thing; but then, I've hear they don't have sex or fall in love, so what do I know? Anyway, I think Carth got the message when he witnessed that, and I didn't have to kick him in the groin to do it.

He's opened up a bit, which I consider a good sign. Turns out his old mentor during the Mandelorian war is now leading the Sith fleet under Darth Malak. He'd even tried to take Carth with him before he defected. I'm sure more happened afterwards, but at this rate I doubt I'll get to squeeze more of the story out of him before we get out of here.

Another busy day, and plenty of shock to go around. It started off well enough; I'd killed Bendak, and got his blaster as well as the usual share of the betting pool. I gave it to Carth as a thankyou for letting me use his blaster for the earlier duels. I've always been more of a blade girl anyway; blasters are harder to maintain in the wilderness of an unpopulated planet...bleh, going off-topic. I woke up with my mood still intact, so I took Bastila and Mission with me while I saw to unfinished business. The cure to the rakghoul disease I handed in to the guy at the medical facility, before nearly punching the lights out of his aide, who's little more than criminal scum. Then we put a non-violent end to the less legal bounties...well, there may have been a bomb or two, but noone else died (even if we did collect a bounty for that one, heh). Bastila used the Force to get one guy to drop a bounty on a girl who had cut him for getting too fresh. Makes me wish I had Force-powered methods of persuasion. Also bothered to go all the way back down to the Undercity to return the possessions of several Outcasts to their people...which prompted a mass exodus and a quest to a Promised Land, of all things. I guess now there's a cure for the rakghoul thing, Taris is a little safer...

Except it isn't of course. I took Bastila when I went to meet Canderous with the Sith codes (she was considered my property by anyone who had seen the swoop race, and it was a natural choice to take the Jedi along), and together we killed the crimelord Davik and stole his ship, the Ebon Hawk, just as the orbiting Sith fleet began bombing the entire planet. They were still at it after we fought of the Sith fighters and jumped to lightspeed. As far as any of us could tell, the Upper and Lower City had been blasted to bits and was probably raining down on the Undercity...I hope the Outcasts got out from under the city in time, but I don't hold much hope.

Taris wasn't Coruscant, but it wasn't far off. The death toll must have been atrocious. I think everyone is still in shock. Mission is the worst off (for her Taris was the closest thing to home she's ever had); I can still here her sobbing voice echoing down the corridor from the starboard sleeping quarters. Zalbaar is with her. Carth seems to be almost as badly effected, but I can't imagine why. Bastila once told me that the Force is in all living things, so I guess she must have somehow felt the loss of life even as we escaped. She's meditating alone in the port sleeping quarters. Canderous seems a little surprised and disgruntled by everyone else's reactions, but I doubt he gives a damn himself. He's a Mandalorian, and they're quick to use overpowering force against even a vastly overmatched opponent. As for myself...I'm sure the galaxy will continue to turn, but of all the people I've met in the past week, only those on this ship with me right now are still alive...

Damn Sith.

We're heading to a Jedi enclave on Dantooine on Bastila's suggestion. I get the impression she trained there.

The first Jedi I meet other than Bastila jumps down my throat for not wearing robes. I remember thinking the arrogance must be a Jedi trait...and five minutes later I learn I'm to be trained as one. So I guess I get to learn how to use Force-powered persuasion after all. I guess I was thinking on some level that this was a possibility ever since Bastila referred to my Force sensitivity, but now that it's actually going to happen...after everything that's happened, this is a hell of a way to finish off the week.

Still, I wasn't so witless as to miss something Master Vrook said. On Taris, Carth said the Jedi on the Endar Spire had specifically asked for me to be transferred to that ship. Now the discussion on whether or not to train me brought up the subject of Darth Revan...and I'm left to wonder once more what my connection is to all these grand galaxy-affecting events. One other fact has presented itself: the Jedi council are not certain Revan herself is dead. I'm certain Bastila was there...didn't she watch her die? Bastila refuses to discuss it for now, but...I don't know. All I can tell for sure is that something's not right, and she knows it. I wonder if she knows I know it.

Recent events are starting to feel like a visit to the coast of some turbulant ocean. The waves never stop crashing down on me, they only get stronger or weaker depending on the tide.

Bastila and I shared a dream of Revan and Malak last night. Both of us, the same dream. The Masters believe it is a vision of the two fallen Jedi in some ruins here on Dantooine. They think that because Bastila and I dreamed about it, we should investigate it, yet they want to wait until I've been trained. I don't think there's time, myself, but they think I need it so I can better resist the dark power of the place. Still, knowing Revan and Malak were here makes me feel a lot less safe in this enclave than Bastila made me feel. On the other hand, I could probably use the time to deal with everything that happened on - and to - Taris before anyone else gets killed because of us.

Meanwhile, they're keeping all of us pretty much locked up in this place. Canderous is taking it the worst. He respects the Jedi in general for being instrumental for defeating the Mandalorians in the war, but I don't think he sees much in the Jedi here. He knows he has to behave, and I don't have to remind him of the less pleasant alternatives. Whenever I think he's going stir-crazy, I ask about his past. It doesn't take long for him to remember how much he's lost and want to stop talking, but I like to think I give him something to think about while he's stomping around the cargo hold. Zalbaar's content enough being there for Mission, who's taken it into her head to want to find her miscreant brother. Carth has kept quiet so far, and Bastila is pretty much home. In fact, I don't think I've seen her anywhere near the Ebon Hawk since last night.

She's probably glad to be back among other Jedi. I guess she takes what comfort she can in others like her. Of course, I'm about be like her too, and if it's true she and I share a special bond...well, I've yet to see how that will play out. I guess as I learn how to consciously control the Force, I will be able to get a better sense of this connection.

Haven't written anything in a couple of weeks. I think I've already read more in the past fortnight than I ever did during my original education. Study, physical and mental exercises, meditation...I think I'm being worked harder than the average apprentice, not just because time is against us, but because I'm so much older than anyone else who gets the same training. Vrook remains sceptical about me, but Zhar remains a positive instructor, which certainly helps. He seems impressed with my rapid progress without actually being surprised, so I suppose he's trained many apprentices and knows what he's doing, which is also a comfort.

He's encouraged me to speak with other Jedi in the enclave, especially Bastila. She seems less certain about the connection we have than Zhar, but I have to admit it's definitely there. I am never more aware of Bastila than when I meditate, and I'm sure she feels it too sometimes. The first time I managed to actively use the Force, she came running. Well, I think running. I'm sure she composed herself just outside the room before entering to see the datapad floating with her own eyes. The connection isn't always a good thing though, which is why I've taken the time to write this now. Jedi training would have us controlling our emotions, and that's what I've been having the most difficulty with. Normally I'd just deal with it, but I'm worried the bond is causing a kind of feedback. Usually I'm the only one to raise my voice, but this time Bastila lost her temper too. It's the first time I've actually heard her yell. For a second I was pleased to have actually gotten as much out of her, but the look on her face...and then she simply excused herself and walked away.

I don't know why she's driving me so nuts. I'm not used to feeling so ambivelant and confused about anything. I feel the hurt I cause her, but I don't know if it's the bond transmitting that hurt or if I actually regret my words. Sometimes a doubt I regret anything I say or do to her because when she's at her most obstinate I want nothing more than to wrap my hands around her pretty neck and squeeze until those luscious lips turn blue...

Oh.


OOC: Suddenly it looks like I'm veering wildly away from the chronological approach, so there's going to be a pause while I play around with this on paper before putting it anywhere people can see it.